Saturday, 8 March 2008

My blog WAS really meant to have a fairy tale ending

I did the hpt last evening and also this morning at 5.30am. The first test result showed a very faint ghost line of a positive... and so is the second one, did not turn darker. I turned on the pc and found out that the half time for pregnayl is 33hours, which means the hpt is likely registering the residual pregnayl in my system and giving me a false faint ghost line of a positive.

At 5.30am this morning, i cried my eyes out... I am so disappointed i couldnt help it but grief for losing the unborn child that i suppose to bear. I felt like i am breaking apart, each time i set eyes on the hpt... my heart cracks further. Its 14 days from retrieval. If i am pregnant, my hpt should begin registering more hcg isnt it???? Why Why Why....... All i want is to stay chubby and pregnant and have swollen feets and aching backs and then become a milking cow when the baby's born, all i want is to give unconditional love.

I feel so weak from battling infertility right now. I never thought i would feel like giving up, but right now at this very moment... i feel like i havent an ounce of strength to carry on.
I need a miracle for my monday's beta blood test.

2 comments:

  1. Step away from the evil pee sticks. You just never know. I'm still hoping for you, even if you feel hopeless right now.

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  2. Stay Strong! Sending lots of baby dusts to you! *HUGZ*

    ReplyDelete