Thursday, 27 November 2008

I ha vent posted here for a while, not because i didn't think of doing so and hadn't visit my own blog. Its just that each time i want to write an entry, it ends up looking and feeling pathetic.

Anyway, some updates. I am in this strange twilight zone where my emotions swing like a pendulum. One moment i am fine, the next moment i feel like the whole world is against me and that i am just waiting for the next bad thing to happen on me. I am very short-wired in temper and feel like nobody in the world cares if I pass on tomorrow. I guess i was in a state of post-ivf-ectopic-surgery-depression.

My relationship with my husband is affected too. I expected him to be my pillar and make me feel better about myself and about the whole thing. And at the same time be able to pacify, comfort and attend to my bruised feelings. I am disappointed.
It makes me realise that I am in control and fully responsible of my own happiness.
I still love my husband alot and i know he loves me too. Well, many articles mentioned about relationship strain as part of the post ivf failure issues, i thought it was crap.. until this round of IVF. I need to overcome this depression and be myself again.

My daughter is down with fever and diarrhea, i have been worried and lack of sleep.
Today she is better. I am glad.

7 comments:

  1. somehow i share your sentiments...my best friend is pregnant & i still have an empty cradle...how unfair is that...i'm jealous of my friend, yet feel happy that she's expecting...i'm angry with myself for being so incompetent...it sucks but i hope i'll get over it soon...

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  2. Hugs. babes..

    dun be upset.. look on the bright side.. roar and be strong ok..

    carol, natalie has mum to care.. she will be jumping ard very very soon.. dun worry lar. occupy urself with other things.. and think about how u may help to prevent another etopic birth with good diet.. and life style. ur negativity and pressure that u put on urself is not helpful.

    Be strong. ROAR..

    SIS

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  3. your words just speak about how i feel now.. i am waiting to have my IUI ..
    i try to feel better by doing yoga this morning and plan my diet..
    You have a joyful Friday!

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  4. My dear, I wish somehow God dealt you a easier round...sigh...life does suck sometimes right...hugs!! It's Thanksgiving here in the US so let's focus on the things we have ok like family & friends, a shelter over our heads and for life in general. I know it's hard but sometimes it's about letting go... Take a deep breath n just relax...hugs!!!

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  5. Hugs to you !

    I know no words can comfort you. Because everyone grief differently. I will not ask you to let it go because grief will ease on its own timeline, not mine - or yours. Take your time to grief. But you must be strong to go on. You are not alone. You have your family and other women who are on this journey like me.

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  6. I can't even imagine how hard things are for you right now, but please vent away here anytime. We'll be here to encourage and listen.
    ~~HUGS~~

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  7. I just came across your blog,...... I have been through 10 IVF cycles in almost 3 years... 7 went to transfer and 2 of those went ectopic, the last one just 1.5 months ago. First ectopic had one shot of methotrexate, this last ectopic had to have 2 shots. I'm ok now and will have a laporoscopy this month. Don't give up! I haven't! Have one more IVF cycle with my insurance. It hasn't killed me yet. Don't know that I'm stronger but if you don't try you won't know. Hang in there and hug the child you have!

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