Friday, 10 October 2008

Everyday news on the papers


Everyday now, you hear of a piece of economic bad news. As the days goes by, we wonder how these news is going to impact us everyday people and we somehow worry how our assets and investments going to be. With the news of the foreign currency dip (namely Aussie dollars), one of my currency investment portfolio is depreciated by 30%.. just like that. I am not too worried about the depreciation as my plan is long term.

As we face more news of an unstable economy, i cant help but to ask myself what is truly important to me. I pause and i think and i know the answer clearly. It is all about relationships. The world may turn upside down, but as long as I have my family, my husband, my daughter, pregnancy and the Lord watching over us. I am a complete woman.

Just not too long ago, I recalled flipping through the local papers and being bombarded by the same depressing news. I think that was not many years ago, and i remember i would hunt for that piece of little good news, like how a child was saved or a good deed done.. and i would immerse myself in that goodness.

This time, I promise i will try to be a supportive and understanding wife to my husband who brings home the bigger dough for the family. I pray that during these times, we all learn about love and sharing, about giving and believing in our daily lives.

Its another few more days before i know if this 4th round of ivf worked or not. At the meantime, i should enjoy feeling hopeful and not be ridden with worrying of the outcome. After all, this 2ww may be as close as i can get to feeling pregnant again... if its unsuccessful.

You know, one of the lessons that i gained out of these long ivf journey.. other than patience .. is my relationship with God. I remember being really happy when i had my first bfp, and i was so thankful to God. Then while trying for my second child, I am bumped with miscarriage and bfns.. and each time i get angry and felt like God has forsaken me. I doubted my own trust level in the Lord, I asked myself if i have just believe a bit harder that God is going to grant me a BFP this time , then the cycle wouldnt have fail.. or i would have miscarriage. I went through the whole notion of being very prayerful to feeling of dejection and forsaken.. I could not understand why Lord would let me suffer. Now, I have a renewed relationship with the Lord. I have a deep unshakable Faith in me that I will be blessed with another child, its a matter of the Lord's timing because He sees a bigger picture than I do and knows what is best for me.

I pray that the Lord hears my heart's desire and not let me wait too long in receiving his Gift of a child. I pray that i will have the strength to continue towards my baby dream if this one is meant not to work. And I am thankful to God that I have the financial means to seek ivf treatments.

Meanwhile, I will just wait for the time to tick by... waiting for the moment... as i try to busy myself with the routines of life.....

Fetal Development Milestones

Day 1: Fertilization occurs.
Day 6: Embryo implants in the uterus.
Day 18: Human heartbeat can be detected.
Day 21: Foundations for many organs are apparent.
Day 31: Human anatomy (arms, legs, etc.) develops.
Day 38: Every muscle block is present; baby begins moving independently.
Day 40: Brain waves can be detected.
6 Weeks: EKG and EEG can be done; fingers and toes are forming.
8 Weeks: Every organ system is present, baby is swimming in amniotic fluid.
12 Weeks: Baby has sleep/wake cycle, digests food, swallows, excretes, breathes amniotic fluid, has vocal cords, and cries.

Thursday, 9 October 2008

Sad ending movie and progestrone is a definite cry baby moment


It got to be the progesterone, it have to be the progesterone. i tell you why i said that. A moment ago, onto my 4th day of resting at home during my 2ww. I decided to watch this movie titled "Into the Wild". It sounds like a adventure show isnt it? Well it is, but it contains alot of depth in it , exploring the complexity of society's life and how one young man refuse to be conform by it and choose to live in the wild after his graduation. It tells a story of his journey and the people he met and how his life ended up... well i wont say too much in case you plan to watch it. At the end of the show ... i couldnt stop crying for a good 10 minutes. Its a touching and lovely movie. Its one of my favourite now. I suggest you dont watch it now if you are in your 2ww or else you may end up like me.... all progesterone fueled teary mess.
The matter of fact is, I suspect its not just the sad movie and the progesterone thats making me emotional. Its the fact that I have alot at stake to get this BFP in roughly 9 days time. After 1 miscarriage and 2 bfn in a row.... I am terrified ... I am terrified of another bfn. If there is a way of ensuring a bfp now, I may just do it. If eating a tubful of dreadful wasabi will give me a guaranteed bfp. I will.
Sorry to be so negative here. I shall get a grip of myself. Take a deep breathe, take a deep breathe... ooooooooo hooooooo. Ok I gotten a grip. I have to be courageous and be positive, it does not cost a dime to be positive. I shall embrace the freedom of positiveness.
My embies are in their blastocyst stage now. Anytime in the next day or 2, they will be implanting. About hpt (home pregnancy tests sticks). I target to start hpt on 12dp2dt, knowing me, i will probably be doing it in the late night of 11dp2dt.


Tuesday, 7 October 2008

I have to post this! I was so bored with bed resting , so i browsed my ex personal trainer's website and i found my weight lost photos up there in the testimonial page. During my last session with him, i thought he was joking when he said that he is going to extract information and photos of my exercise blog and put it on his business site.

It goes like this...

Success Stories & Testimonials
The following testimonials pale in comparison to the clients' appreciation through their own mouths. We would be happy to let them tell you how satisfied they truly are.

~~~~~
The following is an abstract from a client's personal diary:
Initail phase of training: "If i didn't have the encouragement of my PT (
Paul Kuck) and hubby, i would have gone south.... straight back to binging and not exercising and lamenting how i am meant to remain fat and unsightly. ...the next morning was my personal training session, i shared my thoughts with my trainer about how i feel like this weight battle is getting tough and demoralising, this weight gain over a 2 days binge was such a mental setback. We spoke about it and i felt much more encouraged.
My PT has this very special way of making people like me feel very comfortable about themselves and their bodies, its always my aim to find a PT that can put me at ease and focus on my weight lost. I am glad I found one. I had a good workout and Lord and behold, i felt rejuvenated again. Yes, my confidence has definitely been shaken a bit due to the weight gain, but i am still on track... not completely off tangent as it could have been".



Transformation Milestones (her results were still impressive, considering the lapses she had to deal with)
1st march 08 - 65kg

3rd april 08 - 62.5kg,
1 st may 08 - 60.5kg
1st july 08 - 58kg
31st August: 56.9kg

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Looking back, lowering my body mass index was one of my efforts to increase my chance of a BFP for this round of IVF. I desire a bfp so much my heart hurts now.

My baby is a morula today


Constipation with a capital C!

I have to blog about this! Please skip if you dont want to read about 'dump'.
I did not take a dump since last thursday, that was like 6 days back. Today i finally took one, i tried so hard not to exert but its impossible. I ended up exerting and did a great one. In fact, i felt like going to the loo last night, but was too scared to do so for fear my embies will be 'de-stablised', so i waited until this morning.

If you happen to read this. Can you share with me if you had episode/s of constipation during your 2 weeks wait?
I need assurance that i didnt harm my embies by taking a constipated dump.

1dp2dt


This is a photo of my dear daughter praying for the embies to become her sibling/s.
My daughter is an ivf baby. I went through my first ivf , injections, scans, 2 weeks wait and a bfp and a smooth pregnancy and ceasarian to have her. She is truely an angel, a miracle, a comforter to me.
Over the past 1yr plus, i have undergone 1 fet and another 3 ivf cycles, 1 miscarriage and 2 bfn in a row, in order to have another miracle.
This is my 4th IVF and it is going to work. I hope the Lord will have mercy on me and bless me with a BFP in roughly 11 days time.
"I am pregnant now, until proven otherwise!"

Monday, 6 October 2008

The day my embies were transfered

8 eggs was good for ICSI. Fertilization rate was 60% and i ended up with 3 embies ready to transfer with nothing left to freeze.The fertilization rate is really below standard, i wonder if the embryologist could have done a better job. I am kind of disappointed that i have no frosties but at the same time glad that i have 3 good embies to put in me today.

Ok, my embies are 2x 4 cells grade 4 and 1 x 2 cells grade 3 ( grade 5 being the best). My ET went really smoothly. I rested for 15 minutes before getting up and leaving.

For Luteal Phase Support, I will be given 4 dose of pregnyl 1000units each time at 4 days intervals. Also, i am on utrogestan 100mg twice a day. Folic acid, vitamin E, fish oil supplements daily too. I am also taking a doctor prescribed 75mg of aspirin daily in hope it helps with blood flow in the uterus. There are many articles on the net that supports the idea of low dose aspirin and many that does not support it too. Here is a bbc news that supports http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/329464.stm

So thus.... begin my 0dp2dt or day 0 after transfer of 2 day old embies.
I found a great local ivf support forum at http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/5/154014.html?1223280306

and a christian ivf support forum at
http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/5/1244527.html?1216780281

There are wonderful ladies there sharing about their journey through IVF.