As we face more news of an unstable economy, i cant help but to ask myself what is truly important to me. I pause and i think and i know the answer clearly. It is all about relationships. The world may turn upside down, but as long as I have my family, my husband, my daughter, pregnancy and the Lord watching over us. I am a complete woman.
Just not too long ago, I recalled flipping through the local papers and being bombarded by the same depressing news. I think that was not many years ago, and i remember i would hunt for that piece of little good news, like how a child was saved or a good deed done.. and i would immerse myself in that goodness.
This time, I promise i will try to be a supportive and understanding wife to my husband who brings home the bigger dough for the family. I pray that during these times, we all learn about love and sharing, about giving and believing in our daily lives.
Its another few more days before i know if this 4th round of ivf worked or not. At the meantime, i should enjoy feeling hopeful and not be ridden with worrying of the outcome. After all, this 2ww may be as close as i can get to feeling pregnant again... if its unsuccessful.
You know, one of the lessons that i gained out of these long ivf journey.. other than patience .. is my relationship with God. I remember being really happy when i had my first bfp, and i was so thankful to God. Then while trying for my second child, I am bumped with miscarriage and bfns.. and each time i get angry and felt like God has forsaken me. I doubted my own trust level in the Lord, I asked myself if i have just believe a bit harder that God is going to grant me a BFP this time , then the cycle wouldnt have fail.. or i would have miscarriage. I went through the whole notion of being very prayerful to feeling of dejection and forsaken.. I could not understand why Lord would let me suffer. Now, I have a renewed relationship with the Lord. I have a deep unshakable Faith in me that I will be blessed with another child, its a matter of the Lord's timing because He sees a bigger picture than I do and knows what is best for me.
I pray that the Lord hears my heart's desire and not let me wait too long in receiving his Gift of a child. I pray that i will have the strength to continue towards my baby dream if this one is meant not to work. And I am thankful to God that I have the financial means to seek ivf treatments.
Meanwhile, I will just wait for the time to tick by... waiting for the moment... as i try to busy myself with the routines of life.....