I ha vent posted here for a while, not because i didn't think of doing so and hadn't visit my own blog. Its just that each time i want to write an entry, it ends up looking and feeling pathetic.
Anyway, some updates. I am in this strange twilight zone where my emotions swing like a pendulum. One moment i am fine, the next moment i feel like the whole world is against me and that i am just waiting for the next bad thing to happen on me. I am very short-wired in temper and feel like nobody in the world cares if I pass on tomorrow. I guess i was in a state of post-ivf-ectopic-surgery-depression.
My relationship with my husband is affected too. I expected him to be my pillar and make me feel better about myself and about the whole thing. And at the same time be able to pacify, comfort and attend to my bruised feelings. I am disappointed.
It makes me realise that I am in control and fully responsible of my own happiness.
I still love my husband alot and i know he loves me too. Well, many articles mentioned about relationship strain as part of the post ivf failure issues, i thought it was crap.. until this round of IVF. I need to overcome this depression and be myself again.
My daughter is down with fever and diarrhea, i have been worried and lack of sleep.
Today she is better. I am glad.