Thursday, 27 January 2011

bfn

Beta turned out 26, that confirms my earlier suspicion that the beta number is due to my pregnyl booster injections. Game over for me.

12dp3dt

I did my Beta blood test this morning and still waiting for the results. I feel like a target duck in a shooting range waiting to be shot down, at the same time pray for good news. Gosh, Trepidation is how i feel now.

Wednesday, 26 January 2011

Today

Today, i am still entitled to feel as if I am pregnant. PUPO.

Today, i can still believe that my embryos hadnt left me

Today, i can still think that the symptoms im having is due to a growing embryo instead of the multiple drugs in my body

Today, i can still anticipate a possibility of a good news

Today, i can still touch my belly and feel love radiating from my womb

Today, i can believe i am still in the game

Today, i imagine my beta is going to turn out just right and i am going to be blessed with good news

Today, i can visualise my baby's heart beating in another 2 weeks time

Today, i close my eyes and imagine the feeling of happiness of a congratulatory greetings for tomorrow's beta

Today i can imagine the twinkle in my husband's eyes and the tension release.

Today, i can still remain hopeful

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

CTOC - Common Things Occur Commonly

After browsing through endless beta forums and recalling my ivf experiences. I come to a conclusion that (CTOC) common things occur commonly. The fact that my beta is 17 on 12dpo or 9dp3dt. It is low. Based on the CTOC theory, my chances for a bfp is 10% while a bfn is 90%. To think about it, a bfn is not that bad, it is better than a miscarriage and it is better than an ectopic pregnancy of both i had suffered in the past.

So, these are my rough plans on what i am going to do if it's a bfn

1. Go to the Thai brewery Tawadang @ dempsey and drink to my heart's content.
2. Treat myself to a Kyoto Bird Poo facial. (A special bird droppings collected and processed with stringent control in Japan, it suppose to be really great for the skin) 
3. Weekly Balinese Massage.
4. Begin to jog twice a week.
5. Go on a healthy weight lost diet.
6. Take up course in cake decorating on royal icing at Artistiq Sugarcraft
7. Bake more cakes, decorate more cakes and give as gifts.
8. Go to the newly opened Universal Studio and have fun with family.
9. Plan for a short weekend holiday in Feb
10. Tag along with husband to a conference held in Austria in March. Bring the kids along.
11. Groom myself better. Stop neglecting my outer appearance.

If its a bfp, there is only 1 thing i want to do. That is smile all day all night long. :)

With patience, my desire for a 3rd child will come true. 10% chance that it might be this round... 90% chance it might be the next few rounds (1 FET and 2 fresh cycles before i call it quits by end of 2011).

Letter to my one last embryo

Monday, 24 January 2011

Hope or no hope....

3 days ago, i did my pregnyl hcg booster injection and 2 days back, i did a beta hcg blood test (10 dpo or 7dp3dt) my beta was 23. The result on 10dpo was inconclusive as its only 1 day after my booster injection, the hcg booster med would have still be in my system. Today, I did another beta blood test and my beta is 17. It is again, inconclusive it seem. My hcg booster med in my system would have fallen quite a bit over 3 days... but how do i interpret the beta of 17 for 12 dpo? Still hcg booster residue?? Or bfp??? You see, I thought i will skip POAS this time by going to get my beta done early at the hospital lab, it was a silly thing to do... I am in more agony then if i had depended on POAS.
 
To make things trickier, the nurse called and told me that i should come in for beta blood test on 27th instead of 25th as previously scheduled as it slipped her mind that that i was on hcg booster shots. So this coming Thursday. I will know better by then.

My tummy is so bloated due to water retention, i feel like i have gained lots of weight from not moving much and not exercising. I truly feels like a hippo. I dont want to be a sad hippo and have bfn. I want to be a happy hippo with a bfp. I feel so horrible right now, thinking that this ivf no. 6 or if i counted the FET, it will be IVF cycle no. 8 might ended as a negative... I will be heart broken. The truth is, i really dont know if I can get pregnant with this cycle. I really dont wish it to be negative. I just been dealt with a BFN last month with my FET, i am not ready for another BFN so soon. I pray for divine intervention.